He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
