the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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