Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
