I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
