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he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name