feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!