We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste