That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.