Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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