I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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