1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
