Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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