My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
