she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
