Sry I called you an 8
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I understand Curling. That high.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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