Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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