i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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