Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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