I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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