Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
