Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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