Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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