Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
