her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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