Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize