he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
