My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
