she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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