she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
