so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
