It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
