Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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