taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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