I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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