I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
