This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
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I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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