this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
