So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
