sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
