I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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