She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
