I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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