Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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