I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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