I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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