Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
