I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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