We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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