Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
