I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I enjoy the company of your penis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
