i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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