we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
