i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
