The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Boobs speak an international language.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
