You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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