It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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