lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
