Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
