so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
