Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
