this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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