Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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