Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
