recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
