ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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