If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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