I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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