So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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