Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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