Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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