Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
