I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
