Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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