Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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