Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
