I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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