i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
