i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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