So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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