My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
